How To Survive An Ice Apocalypse At ADwërks

1. When you come to work in the morning, park in a neighboring parking lot so they can signremove the snow in the ADwërks lot. To avoid soggy sock syndrome, follow the foot tracks in the snow made by the brave explorer Michael Hay.

2. Check and send as many emails as possible before the internet goes out. Of course no internet means no Facebook or Twitter, but the most important thing is to not panic. Write your witty updates on a post-it note and post them later. You wouldn’t want to deprive your loving fans of every bit of minutia or every single thought you’ve had throughout the day now would you?

3. Be prepared to endure a fickle loss of electricity. During a no-power period, make sure you carefully ration the coffee that’s left in the pot and evenly divide it with all coffee-drinking ADwërkers. We’re all in this together. If the power suddenly comes back on, make another pot with haste; you never know when it will shut off again. If you find yourself in the situation of no power and no coffee, you might have a mutiny on your hands.

4. Over the course of the day you may experience momentary periods of power loss. officeEvery time the power shuts off, the lights will go out and many inexplicable alarms and beepings will resonate throughout the office. Be assured that they are not bombs preparing to detonate, however the source of the sounds will still remain a mystery. ADwërkers will attempt to put an end to the incessant beepings by peeking into unoccupied cubicles, picking up various electronics with a baffled look on their faces, and blankly staring into the printer/electrical room searching for the culprits, but they will soon give up only to check their phones and riffle through magazines.

5. If the lights go out when nature calls, it’s ok for men to use the window-lighted lady’s photorestroom. After all, it’s much better than the alternative of guys relieving themselves with the door open in the window-less men’s bathroom; no one wants to see that…

6. Snack mix and treats from media reps can only last so long, so it’s important to discuss what to do in the event of a food famine. The worst-case scenario is you’ll have to resort to the same fate as the Donner party. Establish who will have to go first. The consensus here is to go from youngest to oldest to ensure the highest quality of sustenance, sorry Andrew. When it’s Hay’s turn to be dinner, be prepared to experience a strong beer buzz upon consumption.

– Rod Bender           3854345f559002b6bbfff11ed8ae0eca

 

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