Tonic Turns Two

Tonic Turns Two Aug 18, 2016

Monologue:  It’s My Birfday and I’ll Bark if I Want to.

I didn’t want to celebrate my birfday this year, but these jolly jackholes decided Blog 1otherwise.

Instead of laying around the house, and having a nice, relaxing day watching for the mailman–he doesn’t bring phone books anymore, so it’s fun–I took a car ride to the office.

I toddled in on my leash, as usual. It looked and sounded like another typical day. Tyler was on the phone, so I couldn’t play with my squeaky toys. My tennis ball from yesterday was still wedged under the Craftsman, and the coffee snobs were hard at it again. Today should be a do
g-gone good time. Ruff.

These birfday bandits must not think I have any friends because they only invited themselves. Well, the UPS guy stopped by for a minute and brought me a treat, which he does every day. Oh, and the guy from the dry cleaners stopped in, but I don’t think he knew it was my birfday. He just nodded. Hazel wasn’t even here to Paw-ty. Her mom probably doesn’t think she’s mature enough for a shindig of this caliber. Ruff.Blog 2

I figured I better check out the ballyhoo going on downstairs.  Maybe someone took the last Diet Coke from the fridge and all hell was breaking loose. Then, I spotted the massive white bone. ‘Guys, you shouldn’t have,’ I thought. Even new food bowls packed with tasty treats, just for me?!  I sat and waited patiently as the Empress and the Scribe held the camera in my face. “Smile, Tonic,” they said at this angle. “Stay, Tonic,” they begged at that angle. I only smile when I’m about ready to puke. They should know this by now. The Cog Whisperer turned into the Dog Whisperer by using Milkbones as a decoy to get my attention for the party hat. Party Hats?! You know I don’t like hats! Why did you bring hats?! You should have just put phone books all over the kitchen if you wanted to scare me silly. Ruff.

The treats weren’t even scratch and sniff. But, there were Milkbones. I love Milkbones. And toys. The front office now looks like a dog-toy crime scene. The party was over in less than 30 minutes. Thanks, party animals.

Tonic

P.S. Mike is still my favorite, and Nikki ate three cupcakes.

(Ghostwriter: Syntax Architect)

Blog 3

ADwërks Announces Royal Recruit

Well, we did it again. We weren’t able to clone anyone, but we were able to recruit fresh talent for the office, to join our jolly bunch of jackholes, conceptual connoisseurs and marketing masters. We’re pretty excited that we found someone with great energy, and eye for creativity, and who partakes in our office shenanigans (and doesn’t get offended when Caryla mispronounces their name). We’ve committed to being on our best behavior and haven’t scared her away yet, so we’d like to introduce the newest media strategist, our Empress of Engagement, Kirsten Smith.

A recent graduate from Augustana University, where she was a star on the Augie Women’s Soccer Team, Kirsten brings with her a Business Administration and Marketing degree. Yeah, she’s a smarty. She’s the type of smarty an agency is proud to have on their team. Whether her team is oKirsten_forBlogn or off the field, her stunning skill-set, and qualities of leadership and positivity, earned her the title of Empress. She will be engaging in social and digital media strategies for some of our largest accounts, including McDonald’s. In addition to being results-driven and an exceptional problem solver, Kirsten’s competitive demeanor is a perfect fit for our client’s brand.

When Kirsten isn’t at the office, she enjoys exercising, painting, and shopping. She’s an Omaha native with Sioux Falls roots, and revels her free time with friends and family.

We’re growing… again!

We’re looking for for one of those Digital Savant kind of people. Could it be you? Do you know Google Adwords? Do you dream in Analytics? Are you a Search Engine Marketing Superstar? We should talk!

We are looking for someone to help us manage a large SEM account. It’s a big account with a big budget, but they also want big results, so this is a great chance to flex your SEM muscles. And it’s a chance to work in a fun and vibrant office where you can enjoy the finer things in life like Folgers and Grain Belt. And you get the chance to work hard alongside a bunch of fun-loving jackholes!

If this opportunity still sounds like something you’re interested in, we should talk. Send your résumé to rodbender@adwerks.com. Tell us what makes you the King or Queen of SEM. Explaining why you want to dig in and show us that ROI isn’t just a fancy acronym. Tell us what your potential co-workers and clients should expect and any other crazy stuff you think we should know. Tell us about your 3-plus years of SEM experience and brag about your Google certifications. If you’re good, let us know!

Hurry up. We’re ready get to work and have some fun. Are you?

Meet Our Newest ADwërkers

It’s not you. It’s your cover letter.

Who knew, that such a profound job posting could attract so many potential candidates? We’ve had our hands full these last few weeks, combing through the mounds of cover letters, in search of our future counterparts. The responses we received were unprecedented, and we’ve definitely had our work cut out for us. With a little help from the Advertising and Marketing Gods, we were lucky enough to come across two brave, qualified candidates who accepted the challenge as our new Copywriter and Social Media Strategist.

Hire an English major, they said. It will be fun, they said. Well, it was! We found our very own Jill-of-all writing trades, a human catchphrase wrapped in Banana RepuNikki_for-blogblic, and someone willing to make coffee every morning. Nikki Beck joined our team as a Syntax Architect. She’s an experienced writer, with a Bachelor of Arts in English, from the University of South Dakota. She has an eye for quality, a knack for creativity, and is someone who defines our core value of handcrafted, from her composition to her glasses. She’s our very own advertising think-tank, and we’re glad to have her on board.

When she’s not drafting up her newest project, Nikki enjoys visiting the downtown area’s local shops, eateries, and music venues. She also enjoys the outdoors, visiting new places, being a Halloween enthusiast, and long walks around T.J. Maxx.

We’ve also hired a Marketing and Communications prodigy. She’s not just any presentation genius—she’s an experienced and well-rounded graphic designer, publisher, communication specialist, and graduate from University of Minnesota-Twin Cities. Oh, and she can do a headstand. We like that, and we liked her so much thSharz_for-blogat we gave her the title Digital Mechanic. Whether she’s managing various media platforms, developing social strategies, or interacting with consumers, her certified skill-set will shine through her personality and work. We are more than ecstatic that she chose to shine with us.

 

Sharz Miar and her fiancé, proud Minnesota natives, relocated to the Sioux Falls area from the Northshore region of Minnesota. Sharz plans to keep herself entertained by exploring state parks and breweries, creating new recipes in the kitchen, and practicing yoga.

We’re Looking for a Couple of Well-Trained Wackos

It doesn’t happen very often, but ADwerks is hiring. In fact we need two people. First, we need a copywriter. But not just any old copywriter. We need someone who’s just about one taco short of a combo platter. Second, we need a social media/digital strategist. Someone who dreams about the perfect Tweet. If either of these sound like you or someone you know, let us know, we should hang out.

Copywriter
Do you know words? Words that can inspire, motivate, persuade & sell. Can you write words that will create action in a short 8 seconds or a long 30 seconds? Words that convey a message in as little as 140 characters or more than 2 pages? Can you prooofread as well as you edit? Can you take critiques as well as you take direction? Do you enjoy the finer things in life like Folgers and Grain Belt? Do you want to work hard alongside a bunch of fun-loving jackholes? If you think we’re just trying to be witty or ironic, consider this before responding… this ad was written by our HR department. Yeppers. If this opportunity still sounds like something you’re interested in, we should talk, or better yet, write. Send us your story. Email rodbender@adwerks.com explaining why you want to subject yourself to this agony, what your potential co-workers and clients should expect and any allergies you may have. For real, don’t just send a resume and boring cover letter. We want someone who entices and intrigues us and is looking for a long term, committed relationship. Hurry, work is stacking up. No phone calls, just written words please.

Send your stuff to rodbender@adwerks.com

Social Media/Digital Media Strategist.
We are looking for a digital and social media strategist to lead regional social strategy for one of the world’s most recognized brands. Yes, you read that correctly, we’re going to pay someone to spend their day on Facebook and Twitter. How cool is that?

This position will manage digital platforms, develop a social media strategy to build greater brand awareness, develop, implement and manage all social media efforts designed to increase consumer awareness, as well as consumer acquisition, retention and engagement.
• Research, develop and manage day-to-day social media content
• Manage social advertising campaigns on Facebook and Twitter with regular status updates provided internally and semi-monthly reports to the client
• Manage a social media budget and media strategy for paid ad placement to increase engagement on social platforms
• Interact with consumers/customers in real time via social media platforms
• Identify opportunity areas and conduct research in order to leverage social media activities and strategies to extend the campaign
• Ensure social media platforms and channels are effectively aligned with the client’s brand and overall business strategies
• Manage digital media buys on a variety of platforms.
So if Facebook is your native language and you brag about how many people follow you on InstaGram, give us a shout.
Again, send your stuff (including link to your social accounts) to rodbender@adwerks.com

Holiday Libation Limericks

It’s no secret that at ADwërks, we like to indulge in a drink or two every now and then. So it’s only natural that one of our favorite things about the Holidays is the cheerful beverages. The more cheer the better. In fact, pour us a glass of straight cheer with a little ice. And make it a double. It’s pretty hectic around the office this time of year…

Anyway, we wrote these Holiday Libation Limericks inspired by some of our favorite festive beverages. Use them to help you decide on what you want to drink, recite them to your friends and family, or if you happen to be that uncle, teach them to your nephew. Please read responsibly.

Blitzen’s Bourbon
A glass, some bourbon and ice
Is all you need to feel nice
Although it’s traditional
It can be quite medicinal
As a Holiday coping device

Yule Log Nog
‘A sip, sip sip on the nog
Until your head’s in the fog
Who knows how it’s made
Just know it brings aid
To Christmas’s stressful prologue

Caroler’s Candy
This seasonal drink tastes dandy
Like booze and a cane of candy
Peppermint Schnapps
Is always the tops
And may leave you feeling quite randy

Ho Ho Cocoa
Hot cocoa is very well-liked
From adults to wee little tykes
Thoust don’t disapprove
It can still be improved
Since it’s always better when spiked

ADwërks wishes you and your family a happy Holiday full of cheer!

Jim’s Offbeat Voicemail Gets Upbeat Remix

It was about 3am when Jim’s phone dinged with a new voicemail. It was from an unknown man carrying on about how he loves our “Rocky’s” ads. In our minds, that can only mean two things – ads for the Rocky movies, which would make us way late to the party, or ads promoting the magnificence and majesty of the Rocky Mountains. Maybe the copy would read:

Unlike other mountain ranges, the Rocky Mountains offer a dramatic wilderness, diverse wildlife, and only a few people have had to resort to cannibalism to survive. Start your adventure today.

He then applauds us for our “Christmas ads,” then goes on to complain that we’ve been playing them for too long and he strongly encourages us to update them.

It’s odd to say the least.

But thanks to our friend Dar Heikes, musician and audio engineer (and also husband of our Cog Whisperer Caryla Chambers) we now have a remix of the mysterious voicemail. So rather than scratching our heads, we’re now tapping our feet.

And here’s the original.

National Award Announcement For The Washington Pavilion

We had the privilege of working with The Washington Pavilion to announce that their washingtonpavillionAction Arts and Science Program won a National Arts and Humanities Youth Program Award. This honor positions them as one of the top arts and humanities-based programs in the country. Michelle Obama will even be presenting them with the award in Washington D.C. tomorrow, so yeah, this is kind of a big deal.

We were excited to lend a hand because 1.) We love and support the Washington Pavilion and all of the great things they bring to Sioux Falls, and 2.) Their Action Arts and Science Program brings amazing learning opportunities to kids that don’t otherwise have access. And quite frankly, this program doesn’t get as much attention as it deserves.

The Action Arts and Science Program offers super cool arts and science activities to children in Title I schools in Sioux Falls, from the art of graffiti, to the physics of skateboarding, these activities truly make learning fun, and they sound so awesome that they should maybe consider an after-WORK program for adults… please? Preferably a class that teaches you how to make your own personal robot. I’d name mine CyBoris.

The goal is to expose students to these subjects in a fun and engaging way to inspire confidence, teach creativity and problem solving, and set them up for a lifetime appreciation for the arts and sciences. Doesn’t that sound like something we all should be getting behind?

To prepare the Pavilion for this big announcement, we partnered with our best pals at Mud Mile to create a video featuring interviews of students and teachers, plus a 30 second PSA. We 2015-10_Washington-Pavilion_NAHYPA_Brochure_VFIN_JPEG_1also made a brochure to educate people about the program and the award, and we offered our all-around guidance and strategy when it came to making the announcement in the press.

It was a great project to work on, and downright inspiring to see such a wonderful program for so many wonderful students in the community get the recognition they deserve. Check out the video made by Mud Mile below. And if you want to learn more about the program go here. Thanks to the Washington Pavilion for letting us be involved with such a rewarding and meaningful program!

:30 PSA

McDonald’s Love Notes

Isn’t it nice when someone leaves you a little love note just because?

Whether it’s a note from your mom in your lunchbox:
“Have a good day sweetie!” (Hopefully only when you were a kid)

Or a note from your adoring husband, left on your pillow:
“Just wanted to tell you that you’re beautiful and I’ll love you forever.”

Or a romantic note from your loving wife:

  • Take out the diaper garbage. It’s stinking up the bedroom.
  • Pick up more diapers.
  • Pick up the dead spider on the floor. I used your shoe.
  • The cat puked on your chair. Clean it up.

That was the idea behind these love notes we created for McDonald’s. They were randomly slipped in the food bags of McDonald’s customers in the drive thru. Just because.

LoveNotes

How One Brand Brings A Little Paradise To My Weary Morning Routine

By: Andrew Eide

The alarm clock shrieks like Gilbert Gottfried, startling me awake at 7am. I’m so tired it Gilbertfeels like my soul is quivering. I hit the snooze button and indulge in another 15 minutes of sleep. Again the alarm clock sounds off impatiently, and reluctantly I rise, careful to not disturb my slumbering wife and 5-month-old daughter.

I slowly pull out the bottom drawer of my dresser. It once belonged to my grandparents – now worn down and creaky in its old age. Again I cross my fingers in hopes I won’t disturb my sleeping loves as I retrieve a clean pair of boxer briefs.

The next and final obstacle in my stealthy escape is the bedroom door, and the obnoxious beast on the other side of it clamoring to get in. Gently I pull the door open, revealing my cat Brody, crying out of desperation for attention and attempting to catch a glimpse of the room he’s not allowed in. Kicking him aside, I close the door, leaving the bedroom at peace.

I stumble my way downstairs as my two cats gleefully follow. I crack open a can of Friskies Liver & Chicken Pate and feed the furry groupies rubbing against my legs. Next I start the coffee maker and head into the bathroom for a shower.

The warmth of the water on my neck practically lulls me back to sleep as I lose myself in thought, staring at the shower wall with one eye closed.

My daughter Ever was born in February. In anticipation for her birth, I took a part time job on nights and weekends to help get us through my wife’s maternity leave. But going back to work was torture for Jenny. She was already unhappy at her job, where she was overworked and underpaid, and she couldn’t bear the thought of missing out on Ever’s babyhood. So we decided it was best for her to quit and take care of Ever fulltime, and I’d just get more hours at my part time job. Now my baby’s happy, my wife’s happy, and I’m happy. But between my two jobs and my 5-month-old night owl at home, I’m a bit exhausted.

However, the weary beginning to my morning is turned around as I reach for my Old Spice body wash. The scent is Zanzibar, from the Fresh Collection. One sniff and I’m transported to the serene landscape depicted on the bottle – the ocean inhales and exhales as I lay on the coast beneath the orange glow of dusk. It’s a little escape that I sorely need. Old Spice continues the experience with its wondrous copy on the back of the bottle:

Zanzibar

 

Hypothetically speaking, there is only one island with enough coastline, historical mystery and well-deserved wealth in natural spices to inspire a body scent guaranteed to turn every womanly encounter into a game of spin the expensive, diamond-encrusted bottle. That island is Zanzibar. That’s just a hypothetical fact that nobody can argue with.

 

Another one of my favorites is Citron from the Fresher Collection: Citron

 

CITRON is like captaining a schooner, the scent of fresh lime and sandalwood blowing through your sails, en route to forbidden mermaid love. Also, the schooner has a go-cart track on it.

 

 

And then there’s WOLFTHORN from the Wild Collection:

Wolfthorn

 

In the realm of animals and men known as earth, there is one animal intelligent enough to smell like the most fearsomely handsome animal of them all, and that is the man, who smells like the wolf would if a wolf smelled like a handsome man. That’s just the way things go in the realm I’m talking about.

 

 

We all know Old Spice for their ludicrous TV spots, but they don’t stop there. You can find their trademark branding and fantastical voice in everything they touch, from their website, to social media, to the backs of labels on their products. They even manage to delight me at the most intimate of moments, in my shower, and during a time in my life when I’m in most need of a little paradise, even if it means a brief mental escape and a good laugh.

This is the Holy Grail for brands. Before this big change in my life, I was a moderate Old Spice fan. I’d maybe get some of their deodorant once in a while, but now they dominate my bathroom, from shampoo, to body wash, to body spray.

It is said that people don’t buy logically, they buy emotionally.  And this is a prime example of that. It may sound strange, but I guess I’m using hygiene products to fulfill an emotional need, and I choose Old Spice, despite the higher price tag, because they accomplish it best.

I’m not exactly sure when or how it happened, but at some point Old Spice became something to me that goes beyond clean skin deep –  transcending dirt, grime and perspiration – and captivating my sense of humor, enchanting my imagination, and touching, dare I say, my heart. Man, I love good branding.